"Are You Afraid of Death?"

Interestingly, someone asked me from the audience, "Are you afraid of death?" This question is unrelated to the topic but I understood him because he didn't know the answer to his question. I replied with no hesitation, "No."

I love existentialism so I replied to him in a way I understood this lens and the way I approached my own life. I am no afraid of death. Actually, this is something to discuss early in life to reflect on your purpose and to cherish your moment with those people you love. It is something to conquer early on to embrace your shadow. It is accepting the fact that all things in the material realm are ephemeral and vulnerable for destruction at any moment...it is an acceptance of the fact that all of us will be gone soon. The bad news is we have no idea where and when death will take you away but the good news is you always have a time to ponder on life and to cherish every day.

Accepting death is being conscientious with your actions towards others and reflecting on yourself.

I am forever grateful for the life I have and for all the journey life have given me. I am more than willing to explore more paths and to realize whatever potentials that I have never discovered before.

TWO WORLDS

Have you ever felt lonely despite those people around you? No one bothers to ask if you're still ok though they're always there or if they're present, they misunderstood you because you're just maybe stupid at the moment or maybe not good enough in expressing yourself.
Funny thing is you have overflowing people in the external world but empty in the internal world. Two different worlds. Which is better? I guess you know the answer.
Fill your internal world with good and genuine people. Those people who will understand you when you're on the brink of giving up on yourself, those people who will just be there without asserting if you're right or wrong because you're vulnerable at the moment, and those people who accept you not for the world.
May you find these gems for they'll be your source of strength when there's nothing left of you...

THIS IS IT, 2018!

I can sense all your struggles, bes. Mas sense ko na siya. Medyo namiss ko rin naman yung gantong pressure sa sarili ko. Alam mo yung pressure na kailangan mong gawin ang best mo sa paraan na kaya mo.

Nakakatawa lang dahil matagal-tagal na rin naman akong nagbabasa pero ngayon ko lang ulit naramdaman yung feeling na confused ka sa kung ano ang gagawin ko talaga. Charot. Ang nagpahirap ng konti rito yung mismong paglalapat ng theory sa practice. Maswerte lang talaga ako sa supervising psychologist na hinihikayat akong sumubok (pero di ako sure no. Wala akong sinasabing magtake ako lol). Siguro, gusto ko lang muna gawin yung best ko sa mga susunod na araw at buwan tutal marami-rami na rin akong sinakripisyo para lang makapag-focus sa ginagawa ko.

Sana magkaroon ako ng lakas para magawa ito. Sana kayanin natin mga bes yung struggles! HAHAHAHA. Wala naman taong perpekto parang ako, di ba. Kahit na nag-aaral ako ng tuloy-tuloy kahit tapos na ako sa masters ko, ang dami ko pa rin kailangang malaman. Minsan sobrang nakakadown rin kapag hindi ko naabot yung objectives ko kaya sobrang dinidisiplina ko sarili ko. As in. Kanya-kanya tayo ng coping mechanisms na makakatulong sa atin.

Nang isang araw sobrang nagalit ako sa sarili ko kasi bakit hindi ko natapos yung dapat kong gawin. Kaysa magmukmok ako, naisip ko na magpunta sa Ynares Sports Complex tapos binigyan ko sarili ko ng punishment ng 6 rounds jogging. Nawala yung inis ko at napalitan ng relief. Nakatulog pa ako ng maaga kasi nabugbog ng konti. Hahahaha.

Habang sinusulat ko 'to, ayon nakalista na yung gagawin ko para hanggang mga 11 PM. Kailangan kong magbasa at least 2 chapters. Sana matapos ko talaga lahat ng nakaline-up na books. Next week, maghahandle ako ng case sa rehab. Yey! Tapos magcoconduct ng interview, exams, at gagawa ng reports. Magcacase conference rin kami. Nakakagana kapag iniisip ko na gagawin ko na siya na parang totoo though guided ako ng psychologist.

Kayo ba? Siguro tatawa-tawa yung iba sa inyo kasi may 285 days pa bago ang #BLEPP2018 pero tandaan mo na isang kindat lang iyan. Dalawang taon na rin akong naglelecture sa reviews at hindi ko rin namamalayan na natatapos ang psych season. This year, malamang ganoon rin siya! Nasanay ko na sarili ko sa pagbibilang. Binibilingan ko ang reviewees pero this time nararamdaman ko yung struggles na iyon saka yung bagsik nito.

Huwag nang magpatumpik-tumpik, gawin na natin agad. Ma-excite ka kapag maraming pinapagawa sa'yo! Kapalit niyan ay learning! Magutom ka sa learning! Mas madali na ang practice kapag may alam ka...pero di ko pa alam ang lahat kaya nag-aaral pa rin ako.

Tara, sabay na tayong mag-aral. Good luck sa atin!

Hmmm, the countdown begins tonight?

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SUBLIMATION

 As in sobrang galit ako sa sarili ko dahil hindi ako focused sa ginagawa ko saka konti lang ang naabot ko sa objectives ko. Kilala ko sarili ko. Kapag ganito, ang mangyayari lang mauuwi sa unproductive lalo na araw. Bilang pagdidisiplina sa sarili ko, tumakbo ako sa Ynares Sports Center ng anim na ikot. Lahat ng galit at inis ko sa sakit ng legs na lang napunta. Lahat ng galit o inis ko, nadaan ko rin sa deep breathing.

Masakit ang katawan ko bukas sa OJT nito pero kebs. Kailangan kong maging madisiplina sa sarili ko. Sana hindi na maulit, kung maulit man, tatakbo ulit ako hanggang sa mapagod na ako.
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CHEERS TO 2018!

Hindi lahat ng new year kailangan ng ingay o magulong lugar. Para sa aming dalawa, sapat na magkasama kami ngayong gabi na tahimik.

Ganoon lang kasimple ang lahat. Ngayong taon, tingnan natin kung hanggang saan tayo maglalakbay. Handa ka na?

Handa na ako.

INKED

This template will be inked in my right arm.

These are my values in order based on NLP and Hypnosis Training. This is me without my name, extensions, and everything.
First image represents my primary value, curiosity. I tried and left the academe because of my curiosity. I left organizations when I feel like something's trying to limit my ability to ask and when they try to control me on doing something I don't even love. Curiosity is my fuel. It helps me explore a lot of things. Without it, I'm completely nothing and life will be just monochromatic.

The next image represents Jupiter. That's my symbol for Power. It it known as Zeus, god of all gods and goddesses.
Nope, it's not equivalent with getting a position, to be an upperhand, or controlling others. If it were, I might have stayed for more years in previous institutions but I didn't. I felt like learning just stopped when I was there...For me, power is an ability to influence others and to make a difference in others' lives. That's incomparable to any positions and other worldly possessions.
Look closely, Jupiter symbol is like numbers 2 and 4 merged in one figure. That's my birth day. ❤

And the last image represents lotus flower. It's inner strength, tranquility and above all, independence. 💪

These are my values. This is me. Funny because I took leadership test in assessment center (shout out Vanguard Assessments 💚) and it validated my values. I also took Integrity Test which also resulted low risk on counterproductive behaviors but low to moderate when provoked. 😂 Very me...hahaha. I speak out when it's right.

The color of my ink is red. It tells something about my warm, welcoming, energetic, and passionate characteristics at the same time it exemplifies my aggressive side. I can bring nightmare when someone provoke me. Hahaha. Charot.

By the way, I took 10 tests and it turned out I'm emotionally stable, above average intelligence, and low risk on counterproductivity and other related dimensions. (The norms used are for managerial position). 😉

ON VOLUNTEERISM

I don't think there's nothing in return when you help and reach out. Actually, you'll receive an even better return by doing it...joy, sense of fulfillment, and social interest.

It's incomparable to any worldly possessions.

To My Younger Self

Hey, there younger self. Soon you'll change your name as you change yourself. Accept who you really are, there's nothing wrong with you. I know you've been fighting a lot of battles since you were young but I would like you to know that all your patience, hard work, and struggles will be paid off. It will take a lot of time but you'll see that all makes sense.

You might see your future as bleak and I know you're almost always on the brink of giving up but please please please...hold on tight.

Pay attention to those who believe in you and even to those who don't. Those who discourage you will be your source of motivation to strive hard and your loved ones will always be your source of strength and refuge when you are at lost. Love your family, friends, and significant other not for the world.

As you move towards 16sh, you'll get lost and that'll be your darkest days but I don't want you to end it. That's painful but fight! On your way to 20sh, you'll cry tons of tears but you need to keep on going! Wipe it! Accept it! Retaliate! Fight!

For the next 15 years, I want you to listen intently with your heart and always look up at the night sky.

Your proud and stronger adult self,
 🌈💖

NOTE TO SELF FOR 2018

To anyone out there, please stop promising that you'll change. Most of the time when we spit out our promises, we struggle against ourselves to keep it.

Just let go all of your negative thoughts and start accepting your beautiful mess, set realistic goals, forgive but don't let all those shits to happen again, and start living at the moment. Keep it to yourself and just do what you can but don't make a promise.

Don't Make A Promise

To anyone out there, please stop promising that you'll change. Most of the time when we spit out our promises, we struggle against ourselves to keep it.

Just let it go and start living at the moment. Keep it to yourself and just do what you can but don't make a promise.

RECHARGE

Ilang beses na rin namang pinag-isipan ang lahat. Kilala ko ang sarili ko. Hinalungkat at hinalughog ko ang mga alaala pati na ang lahat ng sacrifices ko para lang sa bagay na matagal kong hinintay...

Naniniwala ako na, may mga bagay na hinintay mo pero hindi naaayon sa'yo. Sa totoo lang, hindi naman talaga nila pinutol talaga na magturo ako doon...pinahinto lang...pero para sa akin, isang signos na iyon na wala na...kasi matagal akong naghintay na rin at iniwan ang mga bagay na gusto ko rin gawin.

Nagkaroon ng pagkakataon na malaman kong kakaiba pala ang mundong ginagalawan nila sa mga nasa isip ko at naramdaman kong hindi ako bagay roon.

Kaya sinabi ko sasarili ko:
"Ayoko. Hindi ako tutulad sa ilan sa kanila. Ayokong tumanda roon."

Bukod doon ang dami kong iniisip. Nakakapagod pala. Sobraaaa. Umaga hanggang gabi dahil sa dami ng loads at ilang bagay na pinapagawa ng wala ng walang kapalit kundi ang sarili kong kalusugan. Kung minsan nakakalimutan ko na rin ang sarili. Active man ako sa social media, sobrang dami kong ginagawa. Hindi lang halata kasi madali lang naman sa akin magconceptualize kapag free time at may mga scheduled post rin naman.

Madami akong naisip na gustong ituloy at madami akong narealized sa sarili ko. Ang laking tulong rin na magpahinga at mag-isip.

Siguro dapat na muna akong magfocus sa board exam, clinical setting at sarili kong learning. Kailangan ko munang magfocus sa improvement ko bago rin ang iba.

Nauubos na kasi ako. Sobrang nadrained lang ako sa academe. Masaya pero nakakapagod rin.

Thankful ako sa lahat ng students ko doon at sa mga nakilala ko. Sana may natutunan sila sa akin talaga. Sana maintindihan nila.

Kailangan ko ring matuto pa dahil marami pa akong hindi rin alam at may pangarap pa na gustong abutin. Sana makuha ko soon.

Kita-kits sa RGO, conferences, conventions, workshops, seminars, o kung saan man! Magkikita tayo basta sa sikolohiya!

Salamat sa lahat! Recharge muna!

A Note to Self

Take it slow.

Great things are molded by painstaking efforts, deliberated risks, and great deal of time. Work for it. Wait for it.

BABY STEPS TO RPsy: PUMPED UP AGAIN

I changed the color of my Twitter from blue to red.
I changed my bio and it says. "discendo discimus."
I started to write the proposed table of specifications to my new journal and wrote something on it. I wrote it to mark what I really want to happen in 2018 and I hope it will come true.

I started my countdown. I will try as hard as I can to cherish my days and to read more books. Will I pass the RPsy board? Que sera, sera. I'm a bit excited.

UNENDING WISHES

Imagine, kahit na makuha mo na yung mga bagay na gusto mo... 

aabot ka pa rin sa point na, "ano na?" o "ano ng next?"

Kung meron man na walang katapusan,

yun yung walang katapusang kahilingan.

Ngayong alam mo,

kung minsan,

ayos lang na makuntento.

BABY STEPS TO RPSY: OCTOBER 2017 PREPS FOR 2018

I'm currently preparing for 2018 board exam. Hopefully, I have enough time for clinical setting. I'm currently trying to improve myself in writing the psychological case report and in familiarizing myself with popular tests by attending workshops, seminars, and asking my fellow practitioners about it.

I started with Theories of Personality and I'm comfortable with the subject. I'm finished with psych testing but I need to refresh some topics again this coming semester and I will read the Groth-Marnath book for Psychological Assessment to level up my review. Next in line will be "A History of Modern Psychology" by Schultz to trace back the roots of Psych concepts and to better understand the concepts of theories of personality.

I already tried to read again my abpsych book and made a matrix for psych disorders (hopefully other people will see it on 2018). it really helped me a lot. I need to finish the partner book of abpsych that highlights the differences in disorder. I need to memorize all of it just to be sure. Next will be clinical psychology book and counseling theories and techniques (I'm done with others topics). Huhuhu. Sobrang dami pa ng aaralin. </3

Ang petmalung dream ko yung papasok ako ng class na wala akong kahit na anong hawak kundi marker lang. Werpa!

Heeelp me. Hahahaha. 

REALIZATIONS #2

#2 Realizations

Mas masarap sa feeling pala talaga na makita mong nakakakuha ng tama ang students mo. Priceless moment sa class ko nang Thursday night for my class hahaha.

Ito yung moment na nalaman nilang tama ang case analysis nila! Kinakabahan pa ako kasi habang pinapasa isa-isa per group puro tama ang sagot tapos natatakot ako na baka yung ibang susunod na group mali ang sagot...baka may isang maiwan tulad last time. Ayon. Mabuti na lang, lahat sila tama! 😍 Kaya bago ko sabihin yung sagot, kinunan ko sila ng vid. Haha di nila alam na inaabangan ko na yung expressions nila...kasi kapag masaya sila, masaya rin ako. Mag-aral mabuti! 💙

Sa wakas! Walang nagkamali! Good job mga future bes! 💙

Tandaan: Magaling ka, worth it ka, at magsipag ka lang! Walang taong bobo. 😉
#ProudProf

REALIZATIONS #1

REALIZATIONS #1

May mga tao na sinukuan ka na kahit na sa una pa lang naniniwala ka na sa kanila. Alam mo yung feeling na hindi nila alam ang kapalit noon sa'yo pero madali lang nila sinuko kasi "free" o kaya naman hindi nila siguro alam kung gaano rin kahirap ma-earn yung isang bagay na iyon pero inalay mo sa kanila.

Ganyan tayo e. Minsan nandiyan na sa harap natin pero tatalikuran mo lang. Siguro kasi hindi naman lahat pinipilit ang sarili nila na gawin yung isang bagay... hindi naman din nila kasi lubusan na minahal.

Sabihin na natin na maraming external factors na dapat mong i-consider...pero gagawing excuse 'yan e to convince yourself na tama iyan...

"Ah kasi di ako ready."

Ganyan lang kadali sumuko. Di ba?

...pero binubuhos mo nga ba ang best mo? Gusto mo ba talaga? Kasi kung hindi, malamang sa malamang ititigil mo na yung laban mo.

Nakalimutan mo na kapag malapit ka na roon sa bagay na gusto mo mas matindi na yung struggles. Hanggang kailan mo kaya maiisip yung halaga na binigay sa'yo?

Good luck sa mga taong sumuko. Hinihiling kong maging masaya kayo sa desisyon ninyo. Alam kong marami pang chance sa inyo pero may halong panghihinayang lang ako talaga sa mga nagsimula pero hindi tinuloy.

MY TOMBSTONE

Here lies an Earthling's end of journey in the realm of material. Today, marks the beginning of another journey in the realm of forms.

THE END OF ITSELF

When you can't express your feelings for someone because you just feel it and deep within you... you've changed. It's like love in a prototaxic level or existentialist's way of saying that you can't just quantify how much you love her because it's too impossible to measure!

Walang structure, walang measurement, it's just love. It's just the end of itself.

A DOT IN A PALE BLUE DOT

We're all just a dot in this cosmic ocean so be humble as always, cherish every moment, and be nicer everyday.

This is just a realization of how vast the universe is! Funny that people seem to race in life when the most fundamental thing in life is living your days each day with those people you loved most.

I'm busy but I always make space to the person I love. Don't regret spending time with them.

Savor the moment.