HORROR MOVIES IN A NUTSHELL

Dahil masarap manood ng horror para may kayakap sa malamig na panahon, dapat piliin mo yung nakakatakot. Charot. Sa totoo lang, hindi na talaga ako natatakot sa horror movies kasi kung minsan napepredict ko na eh. Nakakainis hahahaha. Kapag wala sa mga sinabi ko yung mapapanood niyo, eh di bongga! 1. Opening ng movie: bird's eye view yan tapos halos palaging building, dagat, o kaya pine trees tapos sinusundan ng camera yung kotse. HAHAHAHA. 2. Sa Patayan: Maliban sa mga asong namamatay o pusa, unang-una namamatay yung mga malalandi, naka-bikini, o kaya nakikipagsex. Hahaha. 3. Kahit na gaano kabagal maglakad yung killer, mahahabol ka niya promise! 4. Kitang-kita mo rin yung requirement na madadapa ang babae kapag hinahabol sila. Kahit anong mangyari dapat madadapa ka. 😂 5. Common aberya sa horror: hindi magstastart yung sasakyan, walang signal ang cellphone, putol ang linya ng telepono at flashlight! 6. Kahit gaano kayo madami, isa lang dapat ang matitira! 😂 Saka kahit na madami kayo, dapat watak-watak kayong maghahanap! Ganoon yun para mabilis kayong mapatay! 😂 O kaya iiwan ka sa isang lugar tapos babalikan ka kuno tapos teggy na bes mo HAHAHAHA. 7. Sa dami-dami ng panahon na maghahanap ka ng nawawalang bagay o tao, dapat sa gabi ka maghahanap! Kailangan umuulan rin saka walang kuryente. Ganern! 😂 8. Kapag hihingi ka ng tulong, may darating na pulis para mamatay. So ayun, huli ka pa rin! 9. Kailangan kapag hinahabol ka nasa main road ka! Tama, hindi sa gilid, sa main road para madali ka mahabol at masagasaan! 10. Kapag pupukpukin mo yung killer, dapat mahina lang, pwede rin kapag binaril mo dapat daplis lang o kaya isa na lang ang bala. Nakakaloka rin yung kapag napukpok o nakasaksak ka ng killer, bibitawan mo yung weapon na kailangan mo sa buong scene. Nakakairita. Di ba dapat dala mo yun? Weapon yun e!😫 11. Kadalasan rin kapag iiwan ang mga batasa horror, doon sa loob ng closet/cabinet, ilalim ng kama, at CR. 12. Doon naman tayo sa mga rason kung bakit sila napadpad sa ganoong lugar! Marami sa kanila lumipat ng bahay, nagbakasyon para mamatay o para ubusin ang barkada nila, o kaya binalikan niya kasi yung childhood nya. 13. Sa mga sapi naman, dapat babae ang masapian. Dapat babaliktad ang krus, lilipad sa kama, magshe-shake yung buong bahay. Tapos litanya na Latin o German para mas nakakatakot. 14. May mamamatay na pari sa movie. 15. Usually yung killer may dissociative disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder) o kaya Schizophrenia. Hayst. Bakit po ganon? 16. Kapag magsasalita na yung taong mamamatay, dapat malagutan kaagad siya ng hininga para confused ang bida. Hays. Hahaha. Ano pa ba? May naiisip ba kayo? Grabe lang.

APPRECIATION POST: CELEBRATE YOUR SMALL PROGRESS!

Everyone deserves a pat on their back regardless if they have honors, high honors, or without any embellishments after their names. We are all different but equally essential in our own beautiful ways. We learn differently. Some may take time, and some are quick. Some loves to read out loud their reviewers and some are quiet. We are all different learners.

Though we always aim for excellence, let's not forget those people who always tried their best and learned from their failures! You will never achieve excellence when you have a rotten character, low conscientiousness with your performance, and rigid mindset as if you are the best among others. Let's stop comparing ourselves from one another. Let's stop this hypercompetitive culture because it's destructive for some people!

School is awesome if rote learning is deemphasize and comparison among students aren't centered. School is not a place to create anxious and hypercompetitive individuals. Okay? (Magagalit si Mareng Horney).

Let's create a community where we celebrate even small improvements of learners and an inclusive community to all types of learners! School isn't a place solely to get high grades but a place to reflect on who you want to be, to find your passion, and to value learning. Nagiging nakakatakot na ang school kasi na-instill dito yung perfection eh. Kaya natatakot na magkamali tayo.

Give your best but please don't be too harsh on yourself. Okay? Value your improvements and mental health.

Kung maging topnotcher ka sa #BLEPP2018, bonus na yun pero please mas alagaan mo sarili mo. 💖

INTERNATIONAL DAY OF HAPPINESS

International Day of Happiness is an annual and global campaign by United Nation. They would like to remind us that it's not only about celebration but an opportunity to connect and care about other people and ourselves. It is celebrated every 20th day of March.

But...is it really easy to be happy? No. Some of us are more predisposed to negative emotions than positive emotions. A 2013 study by the University of British Columbia revealed that there's a genetic component to the tendency to see life through the negative lens. With that being said, people perceive similar situations differently because sometimes we are wired to see things as they are. Fortunately, we can effectively manage it but it takes time. 

In my humble opinion, the world will be a better place if we remind ourselves not to fake happiness just for the sake of any celebrations. No, you don't need to be suddenly caring today or to smile big time! It doesn't work that way. I guess it will work if most of us will recognize what we truly feel first and if we live at the moment. If you are not in a good mood today, don't force yourself to be tremendously happy. Negative emotions can actually help us. We need it some time. We can't be happy all the time, if that's the case then we will be living our lives in a lie!

Some find happiness by finding their sense of meaning or purpose which requires a bit of hard work and time but it's possible. So, for now, you can actually start by doing whatever you love, you can just eat a piece of chocolate, talk to someone who will listen to you, or watch your favorite series. It's not happiness but it's something that might help you relax a bit and might lead you to happiness because happiness is not only a feeling but it's also doing. 

For those who are lonely today, here's my hug! Have a great day!

References and Suggested Readings:

Bonior, A. (2018, March 17) 5 questions to help you find your sense of purpose. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/friendship-20/201803/5-questions-help-you-find-your-sense-purpose

Fletcher, B. (2014, February 14). Happiness is not a feeling - it is doing. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/do-something-different/201402/happiness-is-not-feeling-it-is-doing

Gruber, J. (2012, May 3). Four ways happiness can hurt you. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/four_ways_happiness_can_hurt_you.

Waugh, B. (2013 October 13). Genes predispose people to focus on the negative. Retrieved from http://news.ubc.ca/2013/10/10/genes-predispose-some-people-to-focus-on-the-negative/

LIFE IS...

Why some people can't hear themselves? Some are too preoccupied with their positions in life. Life isn't about that! Life is about making a difference with others. Life is being satisfied with your own progress without competing to anyone. It's not even a race.

Life is about who you are not your extensions. Life is about sleeping peacefully at night with fewer complaints because you are in control with your own response to the situation, not the other way around.

Life is about loving your life and loving your people.
Life is about embracing your self, your true self.

Challenge = Mastery

I observed when you're performing well (industrial or academic setting), superiors tend to put too much work loads on you. Distressing, right?

Well, let's just take all these things as a challenge and a way to enhance our skills. It's not our loss, anyway. It's an advantage. A brain that's working hard will never go back to its former dimension rather it becomes flexible! Stretch it by doing novel activities and let your dendrites extend to other areas of the brain for more neural connections. 🤓

All new activities are uncomfortable and difficult at first, but sooner or later, they are no longer a problem. It will be just another skill that you've just acquired.

Bear in mind, all masters suck at first and they all started as a beginner. Just don't forget to manage your time as well as self-care ha! 🙂

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FIGHT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT

(c) Vision Wall

"One day the people that didn't believe in you will tell everyone how they met you."

Johnny Depp
(c) Vision Wall

This is true and it's funny.  Of course, you'll forgive them but you'll never forget how they made you feel useless by implicitly show that you're not enough.

These people look at you as someone that they can't use because you're only a fresh graduate without any connections and work experience but let me remind you... You are important! You have something! You have potentials!

You have head full of hopes and ideas. Don't lose it. Don't be discouraged. It's a difficult road but you'll be there soon...You just need to fight and continue to move forward! Even small steps will do. If ever you lose your hope because you felt like you're stupid on your first interview, that's okay! It's a difficult learning experience but it's something that we need to accept.

I cried tons of tears and chided myself for failing various interviews but I didn't give up. I continued to better myself everyday (until now I'm still learning), I rehearsed my script (yes I have script, I did it. I searched for various questions and answered it based on my own OJT experience and based on the needs of the company), and I even practiced nonverbal gestures (to act confidently and normal as possible). I have to do it. I have to do impression management and act as if I'm confident but deep down I struggled and impatient to get the position. Of course, I don't show it during interviews but it haunted me when I'm in my solitude.

To cut the story short, I made it. Then, a series of opportunities progressed.

Don't give up. One day, you'll work with people who refused to accept you before. They'll find you because they need you.

Work hard, work smart, and work until those people who discouraged, hurt, refused, and challenged you seek your help.

There's always something that awaits in the future so don't give up now. It's too early to concede. It may be hard for now since you're clouded with doubts, problems, and other things, but soon...you'll be there.

Fight!

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GLIMPSES OF THE PAST

I just saw a comment that abhorred the ideas of Sigmund Freud, particularly the psychosexual stages. He stated that it was the stupidest idea in parallel with Marx's. He even mentioned it was ONLY A THEORY.

My response to him:

If you only read textbooks, then you’re lacking some knowledge about his works.

Theory of gravity is still a theory today. Haha. But it doesn’t matter as long as it is validated, replicated by other studies, and its utility in the field. The theory of gravity is still open for change and if there are a parsimonious theory that could replace it in explaining some phenomena in the physical world, then they will choose it. THAT’S THE BEAUTY OF THEORY, THE BEAUTY OF SCIENCE.

The development of theories was indebted with the works of Freud. Without the courage of publishing controversial theory and concepts, the rise of intellectual spirits will never occur. It’s like telling the world that Democritus is bullshit because he only stated atoms are everywhere and it is physically indivisible. Do you think scientists will ever achieve this advanced knowledge without ideas from philosophers, like Democritus? Why do you think authors included them in textbooks? Isn’t a form of arrogance to state such shit without even trying to understand the theory itself?

We studied history to see the development of thoughts in our field, to pay our respects to the pioneers, and to look back on the zeitgeist of their time.

When we study behavior, do you even realize that we take a glimpse into the past of the person? Because it helps us understand his/her behavior. But, of course, it's not the whole picture. It only gives us another way of construing events and behavior at present.

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INTERMITTENT CHIPPED MARKS ON THE ROAD

Obviously, the image is not mine.

I'm so amazed at our field, Psychology. It's powerful! Thanks to the human-factors experts in improving the driving environment. Grabe!

Thanks to the work of De Waard, Jessurun, Steyvers, Raggatt, and Brookhuis (1995)! They hypothesized that drivers would often reduce its speed when they are perceptually uncomfortable. Hence, you'll observe intermittent chipped markings on the road to penalize the speeding driver with uncomfortable noise which will reduce the average speed by 3 km/hr. This is an ample reduction of speed to increase safety.

You can read this on Michael Aamodt, 8th Ed. It's on the Appendix Part. (Oops, yes, hahaha I'm reading the appendix and there are summarize per chapter on his book at the end. Tip lang.)

Source: Michael Aamodt, 8th Ed, I/O Psychology

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GUIDELINES IN MAKING PSYCHOLOGICAL REPORT

·         Avoid mentioning general characteristics which could describe almost anyone unless the particular importance in the given case is made clear.

·         Describe the particular attributes of the individual fully, using as distinctive as possible.

·         Simple listing of characteristics is not helpful; tell how they are related and organized in the personality.

·         Information should be organized developmentally with respect to the timeline of the individual life.

·         Many of the problems of poor reports such as vague generalization, overqualification, clinging to the immediate data, stating the obvious, and describing stereotypes are understandable but undesirable reacts to uncertainty.

·         Validate statements with an actual behavioral response.

·         Avoid, if possible, the use of qualifiers such as “it appears,” “it seems,” “more likely” for these convey the psychologists’ uncertainties and indecisions.

·         Avoid using technical terms. Present them using layman’s language.

PSYCHOLOGICAL REPORTING IN CLINICAL SETTING

A.    The psychological report must meet the following criteria:

1.      Clarity- written language that can be easily understood

2.      Meaningfulness of the report- perceived by the reader as clear and is clearly understood by the gender

3.      Synthesis of the report

B.     Aids in Communication

1.      Language can be understood by the intelligent lay person

2.      Individualized report – particular to the client

3.      Level of the detail – in general, there should be a mixture of abstract generalities, specific behavioral illustrations and some testing detail (allow evaluations)

FORMAT OF PSYCHOLOGICAL REPORT: (There is no universal format, it may vary)

a.       Personal Information

b.      Referral Question

c.       Tests Administered

d.      Behavioral Observation (Tests and interview)

e.       Test Results and Interpretation

f.       Summary Formulation

g.      Diagnostic Impression

h.      Recommendation

INTERPRETATION OF PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSESSMENT RESULTS

A.    Levels of Interpretation

1.      Level I

2.      Level II

3.      Level III

B.     Avoiding Errors in Clinical Interpretations

A.    Levels of Interpretation

Level I

·         There is minimal amount of any sort of interpretation

·         There is a minimal concern with intervening process

·         Data are primarily treated in a sampling or correlate way

·         There is no concern with underlying constructs

·         Found in large-scale selection testing

·         For psychometric approaches

Note: There is no underlying guilt or unresolved conflict associated with this level; job application in industrial setting, school admission tests, and PNP selection procedure are examples

Level II

            There are two kinds of interpretation

·         Descriptive generalization. For example, seeing an aggressive client and making generalization about it (but, it should be done with careful observation and must be corroborated by other findings)

·         Hypothetical construct. The assumption of an inner state which goes logically beyond the description of visible behavior. For example, frequent handwashing might mean an unconscious attempt to expiate one’s guild and sins. (Again, this is just an example and there are other examples)

Note: Clinical approaches to psychological assessment mean using clinical interviews and projective technique

Level III

·         This is a level that utilizes idiographic approach. The idiographic approach is being specific in analyzing the client by studying his uniqueness.

·          The effort is to develop a coherent and inclusive theory of the individual life of the patient/client.

·         In terms of general theoretical orientation, the clinician attempts a full-scale exploration of the individual personality, psychosocial situation, and development history

·         Clinical approach

B.     Avoiding Errors in Clinical Interpretations

·         Information-overload

·         Schematization. Simplify the information to the point of disregarding important aspects of the person that might help the clinician understand the behavior of the client.

·         Insufficient internal evidence for interpretation. For example, administering one test and make generalizations about it is inadequate. Thus, insufficient internal evidence that explains the actual behavior of the person. We need to prevent this by providing enough number of tests to suffice the internal evidence.

·         Insufficient external verification of interpretation. Always bear in mind that tests should be complementary and must also consider the actual display of behavior. We need to interview the significant people of the client or consider looking at previous records to verify the results of the test.

Note:

Aggressiveness of the client

“The psychological test results showed…as evidenced by his frequent bullying and quarrels at home…”

·         Overinterpretation. For example, long nose from the drawing of the client was interpreted by the test examiner as sexual preoccupation or aggression without considering the fact that the client’s long nose represents his actual nose.

Note: Always interpret the results against the background of the client. There is no universal interpretation for all people.

·         Lack of individuation. Writing a psych report that can describe anyone such as “a patient has anxiety and insecurity” and “has aggressive tendencies.” All people, to some extent, has anxiety, insecurity, and aggressive tendencies. Note: “Barnum Effect”

·         Lack of integration. Do not use conflicting statements. Try to see the common theme. If you administered different tests, just get the common theme.

·         Over “pathologizing.” Avoid using too many negative statements. Remember, even the most disliked person possess some innate goodness. Include positive traits that you observed because these positive traits can be used in developing a treatment plan.

·         Over “psychologizing.” For example, your client scratched his nose and interpreted as anxious, nervousness, or tension when in fact it’s just a scratch due to itch.

TESTS AS DIAGNOSTIC TOOLS

A.     Basic Principles in the use of Diagnostic Tests

1.      Tests are samples of behavior. The results of the tests exemplify the behavior of examinees in nontesting conditions. Tests capture the behavior, though implied or indirect, of the examinees.

2.      Tests do not reveal traits or capacities directly. Most of the time, test examinees do not show the traits at the time they took the tests. However, we can infer the behavior of the examinees corroborated by administered tests and as evidenced by actual observations during an interview and validated statements from multiple sources.

3.      Psychological maladjustments selectively and differentially affect the test scores. As future psychologists, we must bear in mind that psychological maladjustments of our clients can be determined by psychometric properties of tests and inner states of projective tests. Thus, high scores in one dimension imply psychological maladjustment. For instance, a person with high scores on the aggressive dimension of a particular test means aggressiveness of that person. Of course, this inference should be validated by other tests as well as clinical interviews, observations, and statements from multiple sources.

4.      The Psychometric and projective approaches, although distinguishable, are mutually complementary.

Side notes:

It was observed from the past few years that some professors and even psychologists committed some errors in creating psychological reports. For example, some psychologists are using the common words such as “it tends to,” “it appears,” “it seems,” and other uncertain words. These statements imply that the practitioner is not sure of what has been stated in the psychological report. Moreover, it shows that the practitioner tries to play safe.

Using vague statements are detrimental to the client. It does not specifically address the problems or issues. According to the resource person, it has to be stopped. Since we already have licensure examination for Psychologist, our works should exemplify professionalism and excellence. We need to do our work, to validate the tests, to ascertain our statements, and to make an inference based on systematic procedures of psychological assessment such as clinical interviews (clinician and multiple sources), observations and psychological tests (tests that are complementary). We need to make categorical statements in our reports to address the problem.

To illustrate, he cited an example of a patient who visited his doctor to determine his illness. The doctor conducted series of tests to determine the problem. When the results came out, he provided an indefinite answer and said, “It seems that you have cancer based on the results.”  Hahaha. The point is, when you already follow the systematic procedure of psychological assessment, there is no room for us not to make a categorical statement.

B.      Criteria for Test Selection

1.      It must be relevant to the problem. You need to know the demographic profile of your client in order to conduct the appropriate tests and treatment. For example, we want to measure the cognitive ability of an individual. However, the person is unable to read and write. In this case, it is inappropriate to administer the verbal test to patients who are unable to read and write. It will be better to conduct the nonverbal test.

2.      Appropriate for the patient/client. The example mentioned above can also be applied.

3.      Familiar to the examiner. The examiner should be familiar and well-versed with the exams that he will administer.

4.      Adaptable to the time available. The examiner knows when and how to adjust the time in giving a test. He must consider the submission deadline of the psychological report so he can administer an appropriate test that is appropriate as well as within the range of the time frame for compliance. For example, you cannot administer and interpret the projective tests within the day and submit it on the same day. Always consider the time frame, relevance to the problem, and the appropriateness of the test.

5.      Valid and reliable. The psychologist follows the clinical scientist model. Psychologist uses scientific methods and bases their interpretation on empirical evidence. The tests should be valid (as supported by other related tests) and reliable (free from errors).

C.      Need for Battery Testing

1.      No single test proves to yield a diagnosis in all cases or to be in all cases correct in the diagnosis it indicates.

Note: Avoid administering too many examinations because it will be a source of error. 4-5 complementary tests will do. Make sure that there is sufficient clinical evidence.

2.      Psychological maladjustment whether mild or severe may encroach on any or several functions tapped by tests, leaving other functions absolutely or relatively impaired.

Note: One test will be limited; more test can help us determine if other areas of functioning are affected.

BABY STEP TO RPsy: ADVANCING KNOWLEDGE BY ATTENDING SEMINARS

I just attended the seminar earlier entitled: COMMUNICATING THE PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSESSMENT RESULTS, a lecture series by UST Psychotrauma Clinic. Our  Resource Person is Prof. Rosalito de Guzman, PhD, RP, CSCLP. 

The topic outline was divided into four parts:

I. Psychological Assessment

A. Principles in the use of tests as diagnostic tool

B. Criteria for selection

C. Need for battery testing

II. Interpretation

A. Levels of Interpretation

B. Avoiding errors in clinical interpretation

III. Communicating Results

A. Considerations on Psychological Report in Clinical Setting

B. Aids in communication

B.1 Language

B.2 Individualized Report

B.3 Levels of Details

IV. Guidelines in Making Psychological Report

This is a long post so I will create a separate blog post. I hope you enjoy! Please read it if you intend to take the psychometrician board examination or psychologist board examination. This is a nice topic to understand the basic concepts of psychological assessment and its importance.

READ FOR PROGRESS

"Read not to contradict and confute; nor to believe and take for granted; nor to find talk and discourse; but to weigh and consider."

Francis Bacon, Of Studies

"Of Studies," is just a short essay. I love reading this when I was in high school and until now I thought of this when I read the comment section in any articles of PH News.

I noticed that most people, keep on saying things that aren't helpful to others. They keep on throwing muds and words that could tear one's pride. They haven't realized they are just consuming too much time for shattering one another. They haven't realized they are so different that when they opened their mouths and started talking, they won't win. Both parties already made up their minds.

It is futile to make any arguments in PH when both parties read the articles and make an argument for the sake of pointing something out, to win and not for the betterment or progress such as for judgment and consideration.

Some part of my brain hurts. Kidding.

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AVOID TOO MUCH MUSTERBATION

"Avoid too much MUSTerbation."

Oops, it's not what you think. Reread. Haha.

It's the term coined by Dr. Albert Ellis. This is a demand thinking that is closely related to "must, should, need to."

This is a self-defeating behavior. These statements "shoulds" and "should nots" often leave us feeling bad about ourselves because of unmet set of expectations.

To avoid this, challenge the statements.  For more info and other theories, see you in RGO Psychology branches!

Excited na ako, besh for RGO Psychology Season.

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Dear Me, Future Psychologist. Yours truly, Dr. Y. Barry Chung

Dear Me, Future Psychologist. Yours truly, Dr. Y. Barry Chung: It’s time for the next installment of Dear me, future psychologist, a gradPSYCH Blog exclusive in which a prominent psychologist writes a letter to his/her 16-year-old self. We hope you enjoy these letters and glean some invaluable wisdom and guidance as you decide whether to enter graduate



An excerpt from his blog:

"Finally, it may be difficult to imagine your future when no one in your family tree has a college education, and you are growing up with very few resources. But looking back, I now understand that all of this experience is preparing you to be resilient, resourceful, independent, and self-motivated.  Your future achievements are built on the foundation of those who have paved your way, as well as your future mentors.  When in doubt of yourself, just trust others who see the potential in you, and say yes to them more often.  You will find out that you can do more than you thought you could."


I super relate with this blog post. As part of the minority (LGBT Community), a person who struggle for a long time to escape from poverty, and the only person who finished college (fortunately, even Master's degree), it's so hard to fight for your happiness when people around you keeps on telling you how to be someone. It's hard that you can't even eat 3 meals a day, to attend the school with all the materials and sufficient food, etc.


I am so happy that I surpassed those moments in my life (struggles in school, work, microaggressions, poverty, and other painful experiences). Indeed, nothing is permanent. You have to befriend those daily struggles for it only prepares you for something big in the future. Keep on moving forward, keep your head up, and keep your feet on the ground.

We can do this! <3

IS DEPRESSION AN EMOTION OR A DISORDER?

Yes, it is also an emotion the same way we feel grief, anger, or fear but this one is experienced in an extreme way or somehow out of control. It is also a disorder because your daily function is disrupted (revisit the AbPsych’s intro about abnormality). Depression tells us that our psychological health is not functioning well and that some needs are not being met. Hence, people feel inadequate, there is a loss of interest, disturbed sleep, and appetite, etc. You may read other articles that might help you understand my answer and they are better explanations from experts:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lets-connect/201107/emotions-and-depression-0

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/d/depression

http://www.healthtalk.org/young-peoples-experiences/depression-and-low-mood/what-does-depression-feel-emotional-cognitive-experiences

WANT TO KNOW THE NAME OF YOUR PSYCH BAND?

So I was just having a cup of coffee and tried to make some fun. Hahaha! Know the name of your band!

AN EXCERPT FROM BIG QUESTIONS FROM LITTLE PEOPLE...:WHY DO WARS HAPPEN?

WHY DO WARS HAPPEN?

Alex Crawford
war reporter

Wars happen because people don’t talk enough to each other. I have interviewed militant fighters in Afghanistan who hate the West. The West is where I come from – and maybe you. It’s the part of the world that includes Britain and America. Afghanistan is a country where British and American soldiers have been battling Taliban fighters for years. When the Taliban meet me they are astonished because I am often not only the first Westerner they have met but also the first Western woman.

When we start talking about our families and our children and what many people in the West think about them and the war, their whole attitude to me changes. We realise we are not so different and we
probably want the same things. We both want peace.

Mostly wars happen because governments, which take decisions on our behalf, are frightened. A bit like when you are in the playground on your own because your mate is off school and the other ‘gang’ starts calling you names. What do you feel like doing? I bet sometimes you feel like calling them names back. And then when you get into a fight, it’s hard, really hard to be the first one to stop and admit you’re wrong. It’s just the same with different countries.

Reference:

BIG QUESTIONS from Little People . . . and Simple Answers from GREAT MINDS compiled by Gemma Harris

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STAGES OF BREAK UP

It is a banal statement to most people about getting up one morning with nil feeling towards their partner. It is as if in a snap of fingers, all of their unforgettable moments were dissipated into thin air. 

There is an interesting model by Steve Duck (1998) who suggested phases of dissolution of relationships such as breaking up. Breaking up does not happen suddenly, it follows a process.

Here’re the phases:

#1 Intrapsychic Phase, it is the first phase wherein the person experiences internal conflict and prefer not to voice out the problem. Albeit the person might disclose it with few others without the idea of his/her partner. In this stage, the individual is dissatisfied and feels that there is something wrong with their relationship.

#2 The Dyadic Phase, it is the phase when couple communicates their dissatisfaction or problems. Of course, couples have various responses when challenged. Some may automatically cease the relationship, some may forgive the other person and give it another chance to rectify what has been done, some may be in shocked for unexpected reasons, etc. If the problems are not resolved, they may seek out advice from others…

#3 Social Phase, involves the social connections of the couples. These connections are their families, friends, close friends, or someone who can say something about the situation of the couple. Both parties seek opinions or advice from significant people to help them resolve their personal conflicts. This phase also offers reassurance to the troubled person.

#4 Grave-Dressing Phase, this stage exemplifies the death of the relationship. Both parties here are about to mutually agree on the reasons for splitting up. This stage is an essential part of closing one relationship and helping both parties to accept and to face another day without one another, that there more possible mates who deserve them. In addition, closure in this stage is vital for both individuals to start anew.

Note: As might be expected, these phases should not be viewed as a universal model encountered by people. However, it is still important to look at this perspective in light of an understanding of how relationship undergoes a series of phases.