LONELY

I know, I'm not the only one who felt this way. There are times when I feel so drained and empty. This time, I think it's because I'm exposed to too much people earlier.

I'm alive sometimes when I do things that I love, I'm energetic seeing awesome things in my newsfeed and happy when I'm with my loved ones. But there are times when I don't feel anything at all. It's like a big vacuum suck up my energy. Yes, weird right? Weird that I feel alone and empty even when I'm with a pool of people and seeing familiar faces. It happens, at least to me.

Fortunately, I'm a high functioning person (I think) because I get to finish some tasks, I read books, watch some films, date, and converse with different people. However, I can't just ignore this feeling. I feel empty right now.

I'm on my bed. I'm drinking my coffee and I'm trying to finish my acad book. I know I can finish this one chapter then I'll take some rest because tomorrow, I'll lecture again. Tomorrow will be different. I feel empty and tired now but tomorrow I'll be temporarily happy because I'll share what I love.

Teaching helps me divert these feelings of loneliness and emptiness. Teaching, somehow, gives me a sense of direction. It helps me realize that at least I'm significant. *I hope*

I still feel like I'm one of the faces in a crowd. A simple person who just have high ambitions and just want to share some insights from the books that I've read, training, and experiences.

Am I really that significant? My brain tells me, YES but my heart tells me...I'm empty.

By the way, let me just vent these feelings to alleviate it. I'm on my down phase. This is not so me because when you see me in person, I tend to smile a lot, talk a lot and share a lot of things. Right now, I try to divert my negative feelings by recognizing it, posting it here, and by finishing my book.

*sigh* Tomorrow. It will be different.

Note:

No, don't label me. I still think that I don't have a disorder, it's just that I experience some things that can be found in its spectra.

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