Lost Affiliate

By Apryle Vertido

It's been 1,826 days without your love and caring
It's been 109,560 hours and counting since I gave up everything
Everything I stand for, I believed and I know about you, me...us
It's been so long I don't know if you remember how the very last grip of my little fingers slept away along with my trust.

It's been so long since I let you go, It's been so long since I let go of the thought that one day you'll save me from this mess
That one day you'll dive into the water like they say you do to come save me from drowning with those people who keep on creating holes in my soul.
That one day you'll give me a taste of your love, that you'll keep me safe and sound.
That somehow you'll be there... to tell me to keep on going and go beyond the bounds.

It's been 5 years since your so-called children started labeling me names
it's been 5 years since I stepped into the flames
Where a life full of misery and pain, where people try not to be insane.
It's been five years.

They say you are the most powerful being in the universe. They say you can see everything from up above, you can hear the most indistinct whisper onto the very corner.
They say you're a friend, a lover, and a father.
They say you're always there. Always present from the hottest summer to the coldest winter.

But where were you when I needed you the most?
Where were you when I needed a friend, a family, a father?
where were you when I cried your name a few hundred times begging you to save me, where were you when they tried to break my body down to my core?
Where were you when they tried to... where were you?

Were you enjoying the show?Does your front row seat feel comfy? While you watch me get torn?
Did the lightning strikes blind you? Did the thunderstorms make you deaf?

I just want to clear everything that I'm not here because I'm hating
It was my 11-year-old self that was talking and expressing those feeling I've been keeping cause some of you keeps on misunderstanding things.
I wouldn't mind if you will consider this as sin but please keep on listening

As the time passes me by with those memories I have that keeps on haunting me at night,
I tried to gasp for air for the society was way too toxic to bear.
And I tried different things, bad things that my soul was almost sold.
Now I'm broken than ever, never listened to what I was told

Now here you are again knocking at my door
And coming back to you is what you ask for
but I don't think I can give you more for I am tired and broken down to my core
Coz honestly? I don't know what to believe anymore.

I don't care If they'll consider me as weak, throw shades and all those shit
Hate me for not having faith, or judge me what on I believe in I don't care! I don't care.

But please let keep my heart on my sleeves for a while
and maybe someday we'll meet on the aisle
And if you really exist maybe we can have a little chit-chat
Grab some coffee coz We have a lot to catch up

Maybe one day in the great wide somewhere, we'll meet there
under the moon with no one judging, with no more scars to hide or hatred to hold.
I'll be there.

I guess we'll be meeting soon.