STAGES OF BREAK UP

It is a banal statement to most people about getting up one morning with nil feeling towards their partner. It is as if in a snap of fingers, all of their unforgettable moments were dissipated into thin air. 

There is an interesting model by Steve Duck (1998) who suggested phases of dissolution of relationships such as breaking up. Breaking up does not happen suddenly, it follows a process.

Here’re the phases:

#1 Intrapsychic Phase, it is the first phase wherein the person experiences internal conflict and prefer not to voice out the problem. Albeit the person might disclose it with few others without the idea of his/her partner. In this stage, the individual is dissatisfied and feels that there is something wrong with their relationship.

#2 The Dyadic Phase, it is the phase when couple communicates their dissatisfaction or problems. Of course, couples have various responses when challenged. Some may automatically cease the relationship, some may forgive the other person and give it another chance to rectify what has been done, some may be in shocked for unexpected reasons, etc. If the problems are not resolved, they may seek out advice from others…

#3 Social Phase, involves the social connections of the couples. These connections are their families, friends, close friends, or someone who can say something about the situation of the couple. Both parties seek opinions or advice from significant people to help them resolve their personal conflicts. This phase also offers reassurance to the troubled person.

#4 Grave-Dressing Phase, this stage exemplifies the death of the relationship. Both parties here are about to mutually agree on the reasons for splitting up. This stage is an essential part of closing one relationship and helping both parties to accept and to face another day without one another, that there more possible mates who deserve them. In addition, closure in this stage is vital for both individuals to start anew.

Note: As might be expected, these phases should not be viewed as a universal model encountered by people. However, it is still important to look at this perspective in light of an understanding of how relationship undergoes a series of phases.